I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
