my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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