Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
