Your face is a jimmy john
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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