i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
