my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
