Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
