I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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