i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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