After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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