cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
