They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Threesome in a minivan. New low
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
