I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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