I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
