Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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