Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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