i just had sex bonerless
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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