Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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