We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
