You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
