how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
