but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
