I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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