you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
