I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
