I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
