you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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