i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
