why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
