My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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