when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
