I must be too annoying 4 u.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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