Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
