Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
