1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
