yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
