Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
