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oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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