if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
