the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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