I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
