I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
