I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
