The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
