I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
