It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
