I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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