Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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