All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
