oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
