I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
