my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
