We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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