Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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