I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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