Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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