not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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